and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
