if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
