Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Vodka?
Forever.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
