I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Randomize
