when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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