Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
