This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Actions speak louder than pants.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
