Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
