I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Randomize
