I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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