Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
