No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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