I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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