What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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