Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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