I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
