I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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