if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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