I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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