i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
