Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
