I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
