she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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