It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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