Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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