Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
