Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
