Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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