What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
