They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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