He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
