Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
