Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
