i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
