I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
