Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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