In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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