Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
