I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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