Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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