I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Found your dick twin last night
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
