they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You ate ashes out of my bong
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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