He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
