She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
