we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
