fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
