Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
