Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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