My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
