"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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