You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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