Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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