my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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