you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
