If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
