i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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