We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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