I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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