Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
