1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
high people should be assigned attendants
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
